


Unrelated Drabbles

by TriDogMom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-22 20:35:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 5,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23133373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriDogMom/pseuds/TriDogMom
Summary: A collection of drabbles that are unrelated to each other. The chapter name will be the pairing.
Relationships: Godric Gryffindor/Rowena Ravenclaw, Hagrid's parents, Helga Hufflepuff/Salazar Slytherin, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Neville Longbottom, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson/Percy Weasley, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew
Comments: 288
Kudos: 212
Collections: Strictly Lumione Drabble Game 2020





	1. Lucius x Hermione

“Lucius?” Hermione asked, looking at her husband of six months. 

It was the middle of the night but the light of the full moon was steaming in through the window and she could see his face. He was looking down at her with love in his eyes. 

“Go back to sleep.” Lucius leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“But why are you awake? It’s the middle of the night.”

“I had a dream that we never got together and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t real.”

Hermione felt her heart clench. “I promise this is real. I love you”


	2. Draco x Hemione

“I immediately regret this decision,” Draco said, looking at the foil wrapped meat on a stick. 

“Oh go on, Draco,” Hermione encouraged him. “Kebabs are great. Especially when you’re pissed.”

After a few weeks of dating she had finally convinced Draco to come out for drinks with her in Muggle London. It was late and they had already left the pub when Draco mentioned that he was starving.

“But it didn’t even come from a restaurant. That guy was selling them from a van. On the side of the road.”

“It’s East London.” Hermione shrugged. “We drink and eat kebabs.”

  
  



	3. Draco x Hermione (2)

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Draco complained, stopping outside the door to the church. 

“Oh hush,” Hermione said. “You look sexy as hell.”

They were getting ready to walk into Harry and Cho’s wedding. Hermione and Draco had been secretly dating for a while, but this would be their first time in public together.

“I look ridiculous, and everyone is going to laugh at me.”

“No they won’t. Besides, Harry will be in a kilt too.” 

“Nice skirt, Ferret,” Ron sneered, spotting them as they walked in. “Are you wearing anything under it?” 

“Just Hermione’s lipstick, Weasel.”


	4. Lucius x Hermione (2)

Hermione was addicted to Lucius Malfoy. She knew she should stay away. But everything about him, from the way he smelled, to the way he tasted, to the way he walked drew her in to him. It didn’t matter that they were both married to other people. It didn’t matter that he was old enough to be her father. She wanted him to use her body as she used his. 

“I shouldn’t want you,” Hermione moaned as he thrust into her over and over again. 

“I shouldn’t want you, either,” Lucius agreed. “But that won’t stop me from fucking you.”


	5. Lucius x Hermione

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a Strictly Lumione Facebook drabble challenge.  
> Prompt: a picture of a fist punching a mirror

"Granger, I've been in love with you for years, just give me a chance."

Hermoine stared at Draco in shock. They'd hardly spoken in the last three years since they left Hogwarts. She could see the blush creeping up the back of his neck in the mirrored Ministry lift.

"Oh," Hermoine said. "I'm flattered Malfoy, but I'm dating someone."

"You can't be," Draco protested. "Every date you go on is splashed across the Daily Prophet. Why won't you just give me a chance?" 

"I've been dating someone for a while, we just haven't told anyone."

"If you don't want to go out with me, you don't have to lie."

The blush had spread and Draco's face was red. The doors to the lift opened on Hermione's floor. She walked out then paused before turning back to look at him. 

"I can't go out with you because I'm dating Lucius."

Anger flashed through his eyes and she heard his first connect with the mirror as the door closed.


	6. Lucius x Hermione

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Strictly Lumione drabble contest.  
> Prompt: a picture of a large, sexy, library.

Hermione tugged on the blind fold again but it still wouldn't move. He was leading her somewhere in his house but there were so many turns she couldn't tell where they were.

"Lucius, take this thing off me," she growled. 

"Stop fussing, woman," Lucius teased. "We're almost there."

"What can you possibly be hiding in your house that's a surprise? Unless you're taking a page out of Harry's book and proposing to me in a room full of candles and roses."

"Don't compare me to that simpleton." She felt Lucius move closer and he whispered the spell to remove the blindfold in her ear. "Open your eyes, pet."

Hermoine gasped as she took in the library before her. Turning around she didn't bother closing her mouth as she stared at Lucius. 

"Is this the Manor library?"

"It is."

"Marry me?" she blurted out. 

"Excuse me?" Lucius asked, nonplussed.

"Marry me so I can live here and this could be my library too."

Lucius laughed at her before pulling her into his arms. 

"Of course I'll marry you." He pulled a ring box from his pocket and presented it to her. "I figured you'd ask after you saw this room."


	7. Drarry by HermsNGin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm calling this a fanfic of a fanfic. It takes place during chapter 8 of [Truth, Lies, and Storytelling ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166794)
> 
> If you haven't read it. Go!!! It's an amazing story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For BreathofthePhoenix

“Hermione,” Ginny said with a slight hiccup. “ just had a great idea!”

Harry and Draco were out at the midnight release party for the next Harry Potter book, so Hermione and Ginny were hanging out and consuming more wine than they should be. Hermione was still upset from meeting JK Rowling—the cunt—and wasn't in the mood to be at a party, even if it was a book party. 

"What's your idea?" Hermione asked. 

"Remember you said there are stories about us on the outerwebs? What if we read some?"

"You mean the internet? The fanfiction stuff?"

"Yeah! Let's find some."

The girls grabbed their wine glasses and another bottle and made their way to the computer in Harry's office. Ginny still wasn't used to computers so Hermione sat at the keyboard and searched until she landed on a site aptly named fanfiction.net. 

"Okay, Gin," Hermione said, pointing to the screen. "We can search for all Harry Potter stories, and we can even select two characters and search for stories where they're in a relationship."

"Oooh!" Ginny said, bouncing in her seat. "Look for me and Harry!"

Hermione put in the search parameters and waited for the results to come back. As it loaded, she explained the different ratings to Ginny. 

"Okay, here are a few. You want to read ones rated T or M?"

"M. I want to know what they're saying about Harry."

"I don't, but okay."

Hermione was three sentences into the story before they both started laughing. Evidently the author wasn't satisfied with just Ginny and Harry. Instead it was Harry feeding a lust potion to Ginny, Hermione, Fleur, Lavender, and Parvati.

"Next!" Ginny yelled. 

They tried a few more, but they were all about Harry and a harem of women. There were also a disturbingly large number of stories with Harry and Hermione which made Hermione's stomach churn and Ginny dissolve into giggles. 

They both turned green when Hermione accidently clicked on a collection of stories that were all about Harry and Professor Snape. There was another one,  _ Harry Potter and the Slaggy Dormmates,  _ that they chose to skip. 

"Stop, Hermione, look. Harry and Draco! People write stories about our husbands!"

Hermione clicked on one and Ginny leaned over her shoulder to read it with her. Both of their faces turned red the more they read of the story. Picking up her wine glass, Hermione downed the rest of the cool liquid before refilling it. 

"Wow," Hermione said. "That was–"

"Hot as fuck!" Ginny interrupted her. "You think they'd be that sexy if they actually had sex?"

"Probably. They'd never do it though."

"But we could write about it."

"What?"

"Think about it, Hermione. We both know what our men like. We could write a story. No one would know it was us, and it would be accurate."

Taking another large drink, Hermine looked from Ginny to the computer and back.

"Okay. Let's do it! We need to create an account. What's a good user name?"

"HermsNGin?"

Hermione typed it in. "Perfect, no one else has it. Now what should our story be about? We need a plot."

"Why?" Ginny asked. "Can't we just write porn and no plot like the other story?"

Hermione started typing. No matter what Ginny said, you had to have  _ some _ plot. Even if you were just setting the scene. Deciding to set it in the prefect's bathroom, Hermione had Harry put on the cloak and sneak it, only to find Draco naked in the tub. 

After lots of giggling between the girls, they started to write about their husbands touching each other for the first time.

"Now put," Ginny began, "'Harry pulled out his seven inch–'" 

"Oh, I thought Harry would be bigger. Draco's is at least eight " Hermione grinned at the shocked look on Ginny's face. 

"You lucky bitch! Make Harry's eight inches then. Wish I could actually do that."

"If only fanfiction were real. They all make my hair perfect, my arse has no cellulite and evidently I have a pussy of gold."

"Where I'm a spoilt brat who whines a lot." Ginny frowned. "You have all the luck."

An hour—and two bottles of wine—later, the girls had finished their story. Before they could chicken out, Hermione hit submit and they giggled as their story was posted to the website. Hermione had to admit that the story was hot and was looking forward to going home and working off her built up sexual frustration on Draco. 

"Okay, Hermione," Ginny said, standing. "Time for you to go home. Harry will be back soon, and I need a good fucking after that."

"Thanks for the over share, Ginny." Hermione made her way to the Floo. "Tonight was fun."

"Yes, yes. Now go."

Hermione made it home just in time to change into her nightshirt and curl up on the couch before Harry and Draco returned from the book release. She listened to them talk about the girls who thought they were a real life  _ Drarry _ and fought to keep the blush from her cheeks.

As soon as Harry was gone, Hermione was on Draco, groaning when his desire was as heavy as hers. If he only knew what she'd been up to that had her so turned on. 


	8. Helga x Salazar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Bollocks Deep In My Emotional Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely OOC and not complaint with the way they spoke 1000+ years ago, but that's cool...

“I need your  _ emotional support _ , Helga,” Salazar said. “Please!”

“Emotional support, my arse, Salazar,” Helga said with a roll of her eyes. “You only want to be  _ bollocks deep _ in my support.”

Helga internally sighed. They had been going through his routine for years; long before they created Hogwarts with Rowena and Godric. Salazar liked to play the cunning, detached pureblood that he taught his students to be, but she knew better. 

He was lonely and needed a woman’s touch. All men did. And she knew she’d be the one to give it to him. She just couldn’t see the man in pain without wanting to comfort him. 

“Fine, but I have rules this time,” Helga finally said. 

“Anything, my sweet badger,” Salazar agreed. 

“You’re not allowed to tell your little snake friends to tie me to the bed this time. It’s creepy and I don’t like it.”

“But—”

“No, Sal! No animals in bed with us.”

“What about the snake between my legs?”

“Don’t be gross or you can’t play with my honey badger,” Helga snapped. “Now go  _ Slytherin _ in my bed and I’ll meet you there.”


	9. Rowena x Godric

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: Ravenclaw Blue Bollocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're OOC and doing the modern speak too...

"Rowena, I need you!" Godric cried. "I'm so randy, my bollocks have turned Ravenclaw blue."

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Rowena asked. 

"You're a smart girl! Figure it out?"

"Excuse me? A smart  _ girl _ ?"

"You know what I mean! I want to get into your eagle's nest."

"Gonna use that  _ big _ Sword of Gryffindor to show me a good time?"

"Baby, I'll split you open a spring egg."

Rowena winced at the image he was painting. Why did men think women wanted to be talked to that way? But then again, the only men around over age were Godric and monkey-faced Salazar. And she'd rather not be subjected to snakes tonight. 

"Fine, Godric," Rowena relented. "But this is the last time."  _ Until I'm desperate again.  _


	10. Neville x Hermoine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> G rated. Neville and Hermoine share a moment at the Yule Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my soul sister, my fandom wife, and one of my favourite people in the world: LuxLouise

"H-H-Hermoine?" Neville stammered as he stared at his feet. "Would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

His heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for her reply. He'd been in love with her since he first saw her on the Hogwarts Express their first year. She may have had hair and teeth too big for her small frame, but Neville was an expert with plants and he could tell she was a beautiful flower, just waiting to bloom. 

"Oh, Neville," Hermoine said, remorse in her tone. "Someone already asked me ori would be honoured to be your date."

"That's okay, Hermoine. You don't have to spare my feelings."

"Neville Longbottom, look at me."

Neville looked up and tried to hide the tears of embarrassment in his eyes. Moving closer to him, Hermoine placed her hand on his cheek and wiped a stray tear away. 

"I'm not trying to spare your feelings, Nev. I really am going with someone else. I know Ginny would love to go and hasn't been asked yet."

"Maybe I'll ask her," Neville said. Ginny was a good friend and it would be more fun than going alone. "Do you think your date would mind if you saved me a dance?"

"I don't care if he minds or not," Hermoine said, bumping her hip against his. "I'll dance with you anyway. If he doesn't like it, he can get lost."

  
  


* * *

"May I cut in?" 

Neville looked up at the deeply accented voice. He had just started a slow dance with Ginny when they were interrupted. Viktor Krum was talking to him, holding his hand out to Ginny in invitation. 

"If Ginny doesn't mind," Neville replied. 

"Not at all," Ginny squeaked, dropping Neville's hand and turning to Krum.

"Told you we'd get a dance in," Hermoine said, talking Neville's hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Neville said nothing, just placed his hand on her waist and started leading her in the slow waltz. Since he'd heard about the Yule Ball, this was what he'd imagined. Holding Hermoine in his arms under the charmed stars. She fit perfectly in his grasp and he wished he could dance with her all night. They moved around the floor, the silence between them as comfortable as a favourite jumper. As the song drew to a close, he pulled her closer. 

"You're the most beautiful witch in the room, Hermoine. Thank you for this honour."

Hermoine leaned up and placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. 

"Neville," she whispered in his ear. "I'll always save a dance for you."


	11. Hagrid's parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated E.... (for ewww) Hagrid's dad gets Fridwulfa pregnant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For GM Gaby... I'm sorry 😂😂😂

Dan looked up at Fridwulfa and his cock twitched. She was so beautiful, and so tall. Dan has always been in the short side, only five foot six. Everyone had told him he'd grow more, but the years passed and he stayed the same. 

To make up for his small stature, he made sure his personality and adventures were larger than life. He was currently on the greatest adventure he'd ever had. He'd flown his broomstick up into the Alps hoping to fly over them. As he was making his way between two mountain tops, a large hand reached up and grabbed him from the sky.

In that moment, he fell in love with her. Fridwulfa. His giantess wife.

And tonight was their honeymoon. 

"Want you inside,” Fridwulfa grunted, lifting her deer skin loin cloth. 

Dan almost wept at the sight before him. Being over twenty five feet tall, he knew his wife's cunt would be big, but this was better than he imagined. Her slit was longer than his whole body. Levitating himself up, his ran his tongue and hands over her large clit. Well, as much he could reach. It was bigger than his head, after all. 

"No!" Her command rumbled through her body, causing him to fall back to the ground. "Inside. Impregnate. Now."

Groaning at her desire to breed, Dan cast a strong bubble head charm and used his strong arms to hoist himself into her wet and waiting cunt. 

It was slow going, crawling inside a giantess' pussy, but he did it. Once inside, he pulled his shrunken broomstick from his pocket and enlarged it. Hoping on, he flew up her vagina until he was at her cervix. Casting a strong muscle relaxing spell, he waited for it to open. He looked around in wonder at the inside of his wife's womb as he tried first one fallopian tube and then the other before finding an egg floating before him.

It was about the same size as a Bludger, but he didn't touch it. Instead, he jumped off his broom and took his hard cock from his trousers. 

Imagining Fridwulfa ripe with his child, he began to stroke his cock. His hand moved faster and faster thinking about his wife. To know he'd have a child with a giant, something no other wizard had done before brought him to the edge. Stream after stream of thick come shot from his dick, coating the egg. 

Tucking himself back into his trousers, Dan made his way out of his wife. 

Breathing in the clean air once he was outside, he allowed Fridwulfa to lick him clean and he sent a silent prayer to the gods that he was successful today. If not, he'd happily repeat the process until he was.


	12. Sirius X his hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets talked to about his shower habits.

"Sirius," Remus said, coming to sit beside him on the bed. "Can we talk?"

Sirius looked from Remus to James and Peter. They all looked embarrassed, but he couldn't tell why. It wasn't like they had anything to hide from each other. 

"What's on your mind Moony?" Sirius asked. "And why are you all red?"

"Well... Umm..."

"Just say it, Remus!" James said, snickering. 

"You say it if you think it's so easy!" Remus snapped. 

"Absolutely not. You pulled the short straw, you have to do it "

"Do what?" Sirius was beyond confused now. 

"Sirius, we only have the one shower in here, right?" Remus began. "And we all have to use it. Well, Peter went to take a shower last night and... well, he caught you wanking in the shower."

"So? We all wank."

"Yes, but the rest of us ward the door and–"

"And," Peter began, cutting Remus off, "we all remember to make sure it all washes down the drain. I stepped in it, Padfoot!"


	13. Draco x Hermione

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiffy the house-elf is cleaning up Draco's sex linens

Spiffy Apparated to the hallway outside Master Draco’s room and wrinkled his nose at the smell. His Master was a young, energetic, and liked to have all kinds of women — what Mistress Narcissa called  _ loose women _ — sleep in his bed. It was Spiffy’s job to change the bedding once they were done. 

Opening the door, the elf walked in. The room was empty, but he could hear the shower running in the bathroom and the sound of his Master grunting and a woman moaning. Muttering to himself, Spiffy began to strip the sheets. 

“Master always be having a different woman in bed. They’s be riding hims likes he is a horse.” He stopped as he touched the sheets. “Master is nasty boy, leaving Spiffy crunchy sheets to be washing.”

A jolt of pain shot through him as he said the word  _ sheets, _ causing him to drop the fabric on the floor. Picking up his hand, Spiffy hit himself hard on the back of his head. 

“Spiffy is being a bad elf, calling them by the wrong name. Not sheets, these are Draco’s sex linens.”

“Did your elf just call your sheets  _ Draco’s sex linens _ ?” the woman with bushy brown hair asked. 

Master Draco wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “I think I’m going to change the name to Dramione sex linens,” Draco told her. 

“What is a Dramione?”

“Our relationship name. You know, like Hansy, Gabini, Thuna. Ours is Dramione.”

“You want a relationship name?”

Spiffy tuned the two humans out as he internally sighed.  _ Nows I being made to clean more and more crunchy sex linens. _


	14. Peter X Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Sirius meet up (friendSHIP)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Fairest of the Rare Super Rare Summer

"Sirius!" Peter called. "How are you, my old friend?"

Sirius looked Peter up and down. He hadn't seen his classmates since they left uni a few years back. While Sirius had chosen to go the motorbikes, tattoos, and free love route, Peter seemed to have gone on to become a Banker like the rest of the Pettigrew men.

"Jesus fuck, Peter!" Sirius exclaimed. "You look just like your father."

"Nice to see you too, arsehole. Have time for a pint?"

"Alright. But you have to take that tie off. I refuse to be seen in public with you wearing it."

"My tie is embarrassing? You're in leather pants!"

"Which is exactly why I can't be seen with a poncy in a tie."

Peter laughed and Sirius pulled him into a tight hug. It really had been too long since he'd seen his old friend.


	15. Fred X George (no incest)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Weasley, Witches, and Writers:  
> When you come of age, you’re able to speak to your soulmate telepathically. Character A has just turned 17, and Character B says hello.

_'Can we do it?'_

A voice that sounded like his but wasn't woke George from his sleep. Shaking his head to clear the confusing thoughts, he rolled over to find a few more minutes sleep better class.

_'Oi! I asked you a question. Can we do it? Can you hear me?'_

George was awake and even more confused now. Why was he yelling at himself in his own head?

_'Georgie Porgie, wake your freckled arse up and tell me if you can hear me!'_

"Fred?" George asked outloud, sitting up to look at his twin brother grinning at him from the four poster bed next to his.

"Did it work?" Fred asked. "Could you hear me?"

"That was you?"

"Of course it was me. It's our 17th birthday."

"And we're what, soulmates?"

"We're twins which means we were always soulmates. Just without the sex part. Two halves of the best whole in the world."

 _'If we're two halves,'_ —George spoke in his head, focusing on speaking to Fred telepathically— _'why am I still better looking?'_

_'Fucking git.'_

_'Happy 17th, brother.'_


	16. Musical Cocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by something said during a live reading on Hermione's Nook on facebook

“I still can’t believe you got paired with three men,” Ginny said. “It’s like one of those harem stories Fred and George used to read in Playwizard. But with cocks. I bet they’re all perfect too.”

“Ginny.” Hermione shook her head. “Do you really want to hear about what Draco, Blaise, and Theo look like naked?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. We’ve all wondered for years about BDD, the size of the rigatoni, and if he knots.”

Hermione choked on her wine. “Who is this  _ all _ you speak of? And what in the ever living hell is BDD? Also please tell me you didn’t compare Blaise’s penis to pasta or imply that Theo has some kind of canine phallic-esque appendage.” 

Ginny rolled her eyes and shook her head at her best friend. How a woman could live in a tent with two men and now be married to three and still be shy talking about sex was beyond her. She spoke slowly as if Hermione were five. 

“Big Dick Draco. The girls in my year had a pool going on how many inches it was. As for the pasta… he’s Italian, would you rather I pick breadsticks? Rigatoni has more girth. Nott-knot… it works and at fifteen, we weren’t very clever. Just tell me.”

“What are you girls talking about?” Harry asked, coming into the room. 

“Just wondering how Hermione is holding up now that the Ministry has married her off to three men,” Ginny told him. She laughed as her husband’s face went slightly green. Lucky for her, they’d married a month before the marriage law that gave Hermione three husbands was passed. “I’m trying to figure out if she takes them all at once or if it’s more like musical cocks.”

“Musical cocks?” Harry sputtered. “What in Merlin’s name?”

“Like the game. She sits on one until the music stops playing then she gets up and sits on the next one.”

“Nope,” Harry said, standing up. “I love you both, but I can’t. Musical cocks is my limit. I’m out.”


	17. Lucius x Narcissa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet family moment with the Malfoys.

Narcissa was at her wit’s end. Draco had been crying all day and nothing she tried would calm him down. He’d blown out his diaper, and even though cleaning charms were quick and easy, a bath was required to fully clean him. 

Too bad her little dragon hated bath time. 

In the two months since she’d given birth, each bath had been harder than the one before. As soon as she’d lay him in his little bath chair, he’d flail and scream like he was being tortured. She looked at her little love and tried to figure out how something so tiny could be so loud. If the volume of his roars was anything to go by, over half his weight must be his lungs. 

“Narcissa,” Lucius said, coming into the bathroom, “what have you done to my son?”

She rolled her eyes at her husband. He had showered her with love and attention since they married five years earlier and she didn’t think he could be any more attentive. Turns out, he’d been holding back. The love Lucius showed for her was nothing compared to the way he doted on Draco. That boy was the apple of his father’s eye. 

“I’m trying to give him a bath but as you can tell, he isn’t happy,” Narcissa told him, her voice hitching as she fought back tears. 

No one had told her just how hard being a mother would be. Maybe it was because she was the only Pure-blood she knew who was actually involved in their child’s life. Everyone else allowed their elves and a wet-nurse to raise their heir until they were old enough to sit quietly at the dinner table. Narcissa and Lucius had been adamant that they raise their child and no one else. 

Lucius kissed her gently on the forehead before waving his hand and starting the water in the swimming pool sized tub behind them. The sound of the running water seemed to startle Draco who’s cries cut off and his eyes opened wide before screaming again. In an instant, Lucius had divested himself of his clothes and picked his son up. 

Narcissa’s heart seemed to swell and melt as she watched her husband walk into their bath with their tiny son pressed to his chest. The loud cries from Draco echoed off the tiles, doubling the noise. Lucius sat down on the seat that ran around the tub and in an instant, Draco quieted. 

“There we go,” Lucius murmerred. “See, bath time isn’t so bad, my son.”

“How did you do that?” Narcissa snapped. She’d been trying to get Draco to calm down for hours and it took her husband less than a minute to stop his crying. it really wasn’t fair. Why was she such a bad mother?

“Sometimes it just takes someone new. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or need his mum. You’re exhausted, love. Go lay down.”

“But–”

“You need a break. You’re still an amazing mum if you need a nap. Go. I’ve got him.”

Narcissa left the bathroom, but didn’t go to bed straight away. Instead, she stood just outside the mostly closed door and listened to Lucius talk to Draco. She heard a muttered buoyancy spell and dipped her head in to see Lucius floating in the water on his back with Draco secured on his chest like a baby otter. 

As her husband’s quiet lullaby reached her ear, she made her way to their bed to take her much needed nap. Her boys were happy and she could rest easy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an idea that popped into my head and needed to be written.


	18. Hermione x Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For TakingFlight48

Ron went to the window of his small flat and took the letter from the owl. He could tell right away that it was a Christmas card, like the majority of the post he’d received since the beginning of December. He recognized Charlie’s handwriting on the envelope and the familiar anger coursed through him. 

He’d always liked his older brother until the fucker stole his witch. To be fair, he and Hermione had broken up, but still. It wasn’t his fault Hermione had such high expectations when it came to sex. 

What kind of women  _ demanded _ orgasms?

Opening the card, he rolled his eyes at the way his brother was looking at his wife like she was the centre of his universe. Wanker was pussy-whipped. His eyes fell to the signature at the bottom and he growled before tossing the card to the floor. 

_ Charlie was such a cunt, _ he thought as he walked away. 

**_Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year._ **

**_XOXO: ~~Charlie and Hermione Weasley~~_ **

**_Hermione and Charlie, because my witch ALWAYS comes first._ **

  
  



	19. Percy x Pansy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted as part of LDWS rare pair comp
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512155/chapters/72507813

“Who is this Dumbledore looking motherfucker?” Pansy asked and Percy rolled his eyes.

Why Ginny had decided to bring her friend to their monthly family film night was beyond him. Not that he hated the Slytherin, far from it. He was mad for her. But the chit talked non-stop whilst they watched; asking questions about everything she didn't understand.

“That’s Gandalf the Grey," Percy spat. "If you would stop talking instead of watching, you would know that."

“Well, he looks like Dumbledore. Why is he even in this? He’s not as good looking as Legolas.”

"It's a story!” He jumped up, needing to walk whilst arguing his case. “The quality of someone's looks has nothing to do with how important their part is."

She stood quickly, getting in his face. "Yes, it does!"

He vaguely registered his siblings' eyes moving from the television to the disagreement he and Pansy were having. Ginny even at the audacity to eat popcorn.

"Gandalf is a powerful wizard who, if you paid attention would know, is a pivotal member of the story. He not only–"

"If you say so," Pansy cut him off. "He's not hot, he doesn't have arrows, and he says stupid shite. Sounds like Dumbledore to me. Now Legolas..."

Percy tuned out of her _why sexy men are better_ rant. He didn't know if he wanted to hex her mouth shut or snog her senseless.

His mum, Ginny, and sisters-in-law were always watching romantic comedies where mid-fight, the man would throw the woman against the wall, kiss her to get her to stop talking, then after a round of sex, everything was fine and they lived happily ever after. Clearly, women were simple creatures that just wanted a man to dominate them.

“... and, let’s not forget about Aragorn,” Pansy continued. “When you look at how–”

Her words were cut off as he shoved her into the sitting room wall. As soon as she opened her mouth to protest, he pressed his lips against hers as he roughly pinned her in place with his hips. The room around them went silent, but he didn’t care if his siblings were watching. He was finally kissing the woman of his dreams. The films had it right, a little dominance and the woman was putty in his hands.

Pansy pushed him away, and he gave her a smirk, guessing she was ready to go to his bedroom. Suddenly, bright lights blossomed behind his eyes as she punched him square in the jaw.

“What in the fuck is wrong with you?” she spat at him. “You don’t just kiss people without their permission. Wanker.”

As his siblings roared with laughter, congratulating her for standing up for herself, he hung his head and walked into the kitchen to get ice for his jaw.

Maybe women were more complex than the films made them out to be.


End file.
